Whatever….

its been like 1 or 2 years since my last post…

the reason behind this? erm, i hav nothing to post…and sometimes when i had, i m just 2 lazy (the main reason). lots of things had happened…but dun expect me to talk bout it here.

ok, about the ‘wished i will never wish again’… some1 asked if i m being depressed or something. is it sounds so depressing? it is just sometimes (actually most of the time) u really wished to get something…but in the end, u just disappointed…either u get it or not…yes, i really mean it even u get the thing u wished for, u might still disappointed with it…when the thing u wished to get is actually not as good as u expected…so, the more u wished, more chance u might get disappointed…but humans…just cant stop wishing can they? tat is unless they get everything they wished for, or you-know-what…:P (i didnt mean tat i wanna go for the 2nd 1 but the first 1 seems like quite impossible :P) erm, tats about it…

recently i m not myself…
play dota overnight for a few days straight…
attend class but cant concentrate…
eat, i even hav to force myself, even when i felt hungry
it’s not tat i m feeling moody or something,
but for sure, there is something bothering me…
just dunno whether it is the only thing tat bothering me
really really annoying…
i know i hav to study, or else, i wun b able to catch up wit the lessons…but i really cant get myself into it…so far, oni the control system course got my attention…maybe because it’s more to logic n calculations…just like playing games
when ur mind is focus on it, it wun think about other things…
i hav been enjoying tat kind of feelings since long long time ago…
now is almost 5am in the morning, n i havent start doing the lab report…still havent got the mood to start it…haihz… i said tat i will do it, after tis post, so, just to make tis a little longer…

about listening to songs…
for me, every songs hav different feelings…actually, everything hav…n i trust my feelings more than my logic…
good thing about listening to songs, it can let me get tat kind of feelings tat i cant find in my life ‘yet’ (falling in love), of course it’s not the oni 1, but it is 1 of the sweetest.

wat m i talking about? wat is tat songs got anything to do wit tis topic? absolutely nothing…well, probably u got bored of reading tis already…but still, i duwan to stop yet…but wat else can i say?

really going to b crazy soon…really dun wanna start doing the report…some1 help me! very very desperate….dun think i will finish it today, maybe just do half of it…but even half of it, oso i dun wanna do….wat about not going home so early tomorrow? well, skip the taekwondo class? actually nothing much to do in the taekwondo class also, as assistant instructor, but i din do anything much…haihz….maybe maybe maybe…

erm, just thought of something… i hate making decissions…even small small decissions like wat to eat. its better if some1 can help me to decide(not the food). n something i hate more, when i really go deep to make a decission, but it cant b followed…tat time, i really really frustrated…maybe its 1 of the reason i hate making decissions in the first place… y do v hav to decide so many things? y isn’t tis problem can b solved by calculations? maybe tis is so hard because i dun know myself well. dun know wat i desire…

OK, the decission, duwan do the report now, do it after i sleep, tml go back later, maybe afternoon. SKIP THE CLASS!!! bwahahaha… TATS ME! or NOT ME? i dunno….whatever…

i still remember the promise tat i made, tat i will get a 1st class…
but it wun help anything if i din work for it myself…
wat hav i done over the past sem?
play games, watch anime, watch movies, go yam cha, sleep, eat, drink, and study…
wat was i doing? am i making empty promises? am i lying to myself? tis is not the first time i act like tis, n i hope tis is the last time…

but i know tis is not the last time….

every1 keep asking me to sell my car, get a new 1….coz keeping it will oni waste more money…
been to a few places…checking the price…n how much i can get if i trade in my car…really very angry
angry about myself…
y din i take care of her better?
y did i always complain about her?
y i cant keep her?
it’s all my fault…
just trying to keep her as long as possible…

it feels good to b healthy again…lol…
sry for causing every1 to worry about me. really…at tat time, really dun feel like explaining to any1. dun feel like talking to any1. even sometimes, when some1 ask me questions about the lab report or something oso, i oso duwan to entertain them…very very sorry about tat. (GOMEN!)
the reasons for not telling u guys, maybe is because of pride or something. coz dun wan to admit myself is weak, dun wan other ppl to look down at me, dun wan other ppl to pity me…
well, tats a YAP JEE KEN for u…hehe…so, if the same thing happens again in the future, be ready to forgive me again…
actually there is nothing much to worry about me lar….u know lar, i so strong, so tough, so … , …

(is my looks really tat bad on tat day? )

okok, enough wit the ‘formal’ thingy…it may b able to improve my english, but it was kinda  boring…and sometimes cant express myself right.

about loving someone…actually what is love? is it just a feeling tat wanted to be together  with tat someone? someone say, love means willing to sacrifice for the others…but is it? is loving someone means willing to die for tat person? so, when u say u love someone, u prove it by killing ur self? tats not love, tats crazy. but if u willing to die in place of tat person, tats a different story.

love means wanting the best for tat person (i think). if u love tat person, u want to make tat person happy, or at least…wan to c tat person happy. when tat person is sad, u will be sad oso. and if it is because of u, u will b hundreds times sadder. love is not just having tat person. not just being sad coz cant b together. like tis, u r only loving ur self. coz u wan the best for ur self, u wan ur self to b happy…
lol, not tat i hav a lot of experience in this kind of things…for ur information, my experience for tis is null…haihz…but tis is just something i suddenly thought of…

(p/s : (for sOmEoNe) the more u try to forget someone, the more u remembers)

;P

It’s kind of weird, posting this right after the ‘are girls stupid or what?’.

But, THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT!

OK, first, why ‘FINALLY’? You know, this uncle was the only one single from all my uncles. Even his younger brother got married about 7 years ago. So, u got some idea about the ‘finally’?

Today, the whole day I become ‘cameraman’ (without license). Took about 300 photos, depleted 3 sets of batteries, and change from digital camera to film camera (because no more AA batteries for me to use). So, today was a very tired day for me. The camera is not that light u know? Have to run here run there carrying it. And this cameraman got other part time jobs also, but no extra pay…

Actually I quite envied my uncle. You know, having a new house, new bride (young and pretty – hahaha). I like the decorations of the new house, very nice, although it is a bit childish (got all those stuffs like Winnie the pooh, teddy bears, etc). And the feeling inside the house is very good. My uncle really knows how to enjoy life…

And their wedding photos, NICE! I have never seen any wedding photos like this; it’s like inside a movie or something. Too bad you guys can’t see it, because I don’t have the copy. But at least, let you guys envy a bit also from the photo I took today…

KiSsInG

for your information, the bed is broken as so many people on it…LOL.

CoMiNg ThRoUgH

Is ThIs WhAt We CaLlEd SeE tEeTh No SeE EyE?

Don’t blame me for saying that. Nowadays, I heard a lot about girls, at our age, getting pregnant…and of course they are still single. I really don’t know what they are thinking. Are they really don’t mind about that? I mean, about making out with their ‘boyfriend’, at this age, without thinking about the consequences (and I don’t mean that it is fine if u did all the precautions). For what reason? LOVE? Don’t be kidding. Do you think the guy who just want to SCREW you really love you? If the guy really loves you, he will care everything about you, instead of just having you. If he really loves you, he won’t do ANYTHING that will ruin your life. It has nothing to do with responsibility or something. So what if the guy takes responsibility after that? And do you think most guys will? How you want him to be responsible? Settle the payment for the abortion or something? Even if he agree to get married, then what? Do you think you two will live happily ever after, and then…end of story? You really will be happy this way?

What I trying to say is, if the guy really love you, why can’t he wait? Nobody knows what future will be. Either your relationship this time is working or not. If you two really ‘destined’ to be together, why rush? Why can’t wait till after get married? Or at least, wait till when you are really sure that he is the one (already planned to get married). If it will not work, why do something that both of you will regret? I really can’t understand girls…don’t you know that you are at the DISADVANTAGES because guys can always run after that something happened… 

Having baby is a wonderful thing (that is, after getting married with your loves one of course). Its your blood and flesh…won’t you feel anything about DESTROYING it? Even if you really determined enough to take care of the baby on your own, do you think the baby will be happy in the future? Won’t you be afraid that the baby will blame you in the future? There is enough reason to blame you even if you have a slightest thought about the abortion. Because the ‘the baby’ will think that they are so ‘fragile’, as they won’t EXIST if a different decision was made. They will think that their life is so ‘small’. Will you be happy when this happens?

I’m sorry for calling the girls STUPID (but I won’t change the title :P). Actually the guy is also quite stupid. Because, you all may have a lot of chances in the future, and you might be ruining it. The worst thing that might happen (I think there are worse) is, when the girl suddenly says you raped her, and put you in the jail (maybe the worse thing is in the jail – hope the guys know what I meant).

And I heard something about girl’s family threatened the guy for money because of this thing (REAL CASE).

I really don’t hope something like this happens to my friends. Well, you know, it is quite a shock when receive a SMS from your friend, saying that she is pregnant, or he HAD to get married because he made someone pregnant. Well, if this really happens, I won’t pity them, the guy nor the girl (and you know why…).

The YaP jEe KeN now is;

Not as great as b4

Not as smart as b4

Not as open-minded as b4

Not as brave as b4

Not as sane as b4

Not as normal as b4

And the most important, not as HAPPY as b4…

The main cause for all this is an ancient disease known as ‘LAZY’.

I remember last time, when I wanted to talk; I can talk, I can argue… Because I was too lazy to open my mouth, too lazy to express myself. NOW, when there is time when I really need to talk, the words doesn’t want to come out from my mouth. *SIGH*

I am too lazy to do anything. Because of this, the STANDARD of my education has dropped drastically. *SIGH*

Last time, I wasn’t hardworking either, just that, when I m interested in something, when I wanted to know something, I will put a lot of effort in it. But now, it seems that I have lost my interest in most of the things.

If things continue like this, what will I become? What’s the point of making the promises earlier? What’s the point of studying? What’s the point of LIVING?

My last trump card is my desire to win. I wanted to win in anything if I can. I wanted to be the best in anything. I hope that, with this, I can change. With this, I can fulfill my promises. With this, I can revive the real YaP jEe KeN…

-sounds 2 serious am I? 

(P/S: To my mama n sai ma, thanks for everything that day. That time, I was VERY VERY down, but I really feel better.)

Today, I skipped a class because of waking up late. The class started at 8, the same time I woke up… I had my alarm on, but seriously, I couldn’t remember anything about waking up, and off the alarm (my HP). When I woke up, I tried to search for my hand phone, because I thought I forgot to adjust the alarm last night or what. But then, I found my hand phone is on my bed, which means that I took it there when it rang. My course mates (my mama and papa) also same, although they woke up 1 or 2 minutes earlier than me. We couldn’t make it to the class, so, we went to eat ‘CHEE CHEONG FUN’ together. And this is the very first time I had it with both curry and the sweet sauce (it taste quite nice though). After that, when we wait outside of the lecture’s hall, the lecturer come out right pass us. Luckily he didn’t ask why we didn’t attend his class or something.